Poetry In Motion...
The road is dusty and
the wind weeps tears
on my face.
It is dark outside
and darker still
inside this room.
I listen to my mind’s endless dialogue
my attempt to transcribe your heart
but our words are heavy
from the bondage
in this air we share.
You need me
not to need you
right now…not to cherish you
as if you were irreplaceable.
O.K., I can let you go
enough to run,
to feel the difference
in being alone
and being lonely.
I can let you go
enough to run,
but not enough
to let you run
away.
You say you have drowned
in my expectancies….
I say you have died
from lack of your own….
and I ask you
dare we direct our sacrifices
and question what we can’t
know anything about.
It is your darkness
not mine. It’s just that
I’ve seen life for so long
through your eyes
I had forgotten
it’s just as important
that you need less assurance
as much as I need more.
Handle me
gently…
My mind is full
of broken bones
vibrating
in crumbling tones…
hardly holding
each other together.
It seems it is
things are just
wrong…
You can’t be there
at all
you let me
f
a
l
l
You are a gift
I have
much to slowly
unwrapped.
Thank God
you were patient
long enough
to wait
for me to need you.
You are a gift
taken.
Child let go
let those parts of you
suffocating your spirit
fall
off
naturally…
like
leaves
(and)
Walk this road
with only
the bare bark
of your own winter…
Let your watercolor
lies
fade
away…and
You will be a celebration
to come
home to…
How stoic, your entrance
after so many years…
as if we should have waited.
You shoulda called first
I could have told you…
diapers are all changed,
dishes are done,
hearts have been broken,
hearts have been mended,
grades made, teachers loved,
basketballs games are all played.
Boo boos are kissed and
each chapter is now complete
and hey, daddy
the little boy is a man.
And me?
I was me
and you
and hey
life went on
without you.
All you are explodes
inside of me.
Ashen anger.
Penetrating injections
slow and sure.
You laugh, I cry.
Shields don’t block the blows.
You jerk down my heavenly signs
smash the Host
curse the Word.
You suffocate
my sanity.
I cry out to You, oh Lord
in the deafening silence
of the night.
Tonight, I need You most.
Still, Your silence
fills my lungs
till I can’t breathe.
Frozen, I take a step
an outward reach.
Ice crushes.
Water flies.
Pain scatters and
grasping air
I touch Your cloak.
Again and again
You heal me.
Colors, the swift play of light trough water,
greens and whites, reds and orange
pale purples blending without plan.
The bottom now a forest harvesting thick and
strangled grasses fighting gluten, glass and stones
Rocks are etched in green lace.
Tiny clay pots lay strewn about the tangle of leaves and vine.
There is a rising –falling, rising- falling of bubbles
and inhabitants rising – falling, always changing direction.
The red eyed albino shark, plecos with whiskers, spots and stars.
But all succumbing to the passions of the bass, controller of the waters
keeper of the structure.
Racing to and from the dominance, wars
love in the waters.
Click.
I turn off their light.
I love you
Not just because
you’re a beautiful baby
and a part of me.
It’s more because
your a symbol, too
of life
life renewed -
of birth
rebirth -
of giving
forgiveness -
sort of a picket fence
mended
a lives repainted.
Little Johnathan
you’ll never know
how much your life
gave birth…
you were a gift
unwrapped
unfolded
given
forgiven
and in your eyes
I see
the portrait
of God.
Last night we fell asleep
thumbs entwined and
I felt our pulses beating as one.
I thought I heard a melody and
it sang to me, reminded me
of the Author of our love.
And watching your eyes close softly
I almost forgot my pain and briefly
I almost didn’t hear the howling
of my own infant needs.
In the majesty of the moment
I almost forgot about him
almost stopped listening
for the footsteps at the door.
Months
of you and I
shedding the parts
of us…
that had first
given us birth.
Feelings
not dying
just smoldering
like dampened logs
Leaving…
the slow
and painful death
of you
and I.
I search frantically
room to room
corner to crevice
in old toy boxes
in yearbooks and
through scrapbooks
in the closets, so full of you.
Relentless in my search
my memories scream through frames
they dance frightfully, then fall
looking for a place to rest
while melodic metaphors crumble
beneath my pen.
I grab at a shadow
I t laughs and flees
hauntingly
disappearing into the darkness
and still I weep.
Dear God…
have you ever
felt this way
about me?
I think of the way you move me
The patient way you’ve
brought me with you….
I guess it only happens like that
once in a lifetime…
And waking up with you
is like discovering the light
slowly coming out of a sleep
It’s more like birth
….than anything I can remember.
And the way we’ve opened up
to let each other in…
you’ve touched my soul
made your home there…
from that first night on….
We are there
you and I
We’ve climbed
so high….
to stay.
I saw sunlight this morning
it streaked through the prism of my thoughts
it ricocheted against you
and burst forth.
Darkness cowered defiantly
into the corner
and we stood inside the glow
basking in the warmth
ever so briefly.
We were us again
if just for the moment
and no one even knew.
I am you
and you are me
because
that is how
life goes on.
Carry on
for me and you
my child.
Twinkle, twinkle, little Star
how I wonder who you are.
Rage descends like heavy dew
our dialogue is confined
to deafening silence
our smiles to hardened cracks
that crumble on our whitewashed palms.
You’re ready to fly
and I’m grounded
in homemade bread
and nights by the fire.
Just understand little one
the root of this vine
that strangles us -
understand that
the loneliest place I’ve ever been
is without you.
Twinkle, twinkle, little Star
how I wonder where you are.
Poetry may NOT be copied, reproduced in any fashion or otherwise used, without written permission of the author!
Copyright
1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 Debbie Sterling.